Jimmy spits at Georgie in playground

Former President and peace negotiator Jimmy Carter was quoted Saturday in the Arkansas Democrat Gazette as saying "I think as far as the adverse impact on the nation around the world, this administration has been the worst in history." (Read full CNN story) The Georgia Democrat said Bush had overseen an "overt reversal of America's basic values". Carter also said the administration "abandoned or directly refuted" every negotiated nuclear arms agreement, as well as environmental efforts by other presidents.

SO.... the White House responds with : "I think it's sad that President Carter's reckless personal criticism is out there," Bush spokesperson Tony Fratto said. "I think it's unfortunate, I think he is proving to be increasingly irrelevant...".

Mmmmmm. Let me see, a former president who forged one of the most important peace accords of our time (Nobel Peace prize???) in the Middle East speaks for a very large section of Americans, if not a majority and the little kid with the big ears doesn't like it? We do know that everytime the popular opinion of the majority of taxpayers in this country speak out, this administration tells us to go shit in our hats. Just another example.

Why do I picture FW cowering in a corner of the West Wing while he shields his eyes and points out the window at the real world? Shaking uncontrollably in wet, piss-stained pants on an oriental rug, his little turtle neck strains over the sill to see who is next going to illuminate the horrors of his ignorance and arrogance.

FAT ASS CLEMENS LOOKS GOOD

Roger "Fat Ass" Clemens Friday night in Tampa

SKANKEE BLUE-FACED MAROONS!

1. - New York Skankee Roger "Fat Ass" Clemens after a 58 pitch outing at Single A level (Single A is like Babe Ruth League on Wheaties): - "I'm going to get ready as soon as possible," Clemens said.

HELLO??? It's freakin' May 18th! Most ballplayers get ready in March to make a million or 3 a year. Not Fat Ass. He soaks an old man out of his savings and throws any possible hint of respect for the game out the window. Spoiled rotten brat will get cheered like a freakin' saint by those gumdrop jujube's down there too!

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2. - Skankee (another one?) Jason "Bulging Pupils" Giambi on steroid use - "We (Major League Baseball) should have apologized back then..."

Oh. OK, Jason. Let's have a denial party at Yankee surrounded-by-drug-infested-slums Stadium and say that Bud Selig forced you to put cheating enhancements in your body. OK, what ever you say there old Pop Eye. (If you're just tuning in, both images seen are of Jason Giambi.)

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And finally, let's revisit this:

WHOSE THAT WITH THE JACKASS?

That's just Donkey from Shrek.

NBA = Never Believe Authority

If you like basketball, click your "Back" button now.

OK, but... here I am wasting time on a subject that has the credibility of an earthworm, a tattooed, slimy, personality-deprived earthworm. Let's take some recent quotes on what is going on in the game of "pro" basketball and respond. (Just in case you live a respectable life and/or only watch real sports, here you go: Supposedly a black guy mugged a white guy (right) with almost no time left in a basketball playoff game. Two black guys went to the aid of the white guy and got suspended for a game. Apparently, there is a rule that says you can't do this. The mugger got 2 games. So here is what the NBA "fan" is talking about on ESPN between meals at the county jail:

Larry B. writes: "I have never seen such a negative reaction to a league action" - Ahem.... has anybody ever seen such a negative sport, filled with negative attitudes and dark, violent infested combatants? They all look sour and unless things go exactly their way, they pout.

Moses M. writes: "Whatever happened to 'give the fans what they want?'" - Exactly Ralph! The fans want the violence, the tattoed muggers and the guns-in-secret-compartments-under-the-hummer-floor heroes! They need to justify watching something as boring as a babbling brook by spicing it up with chest thumping screams and take-downs.

Alfred N. writes: "Does a single NBA fan approve of this decision (the suspensions, not Paris Hiltons reduced sentence)? Will this verdict turn some fans away from the game?" - Actually there are only 32 fans left and they are thinking of turning away, yes. Suckers Anonymous awaits them.

Joe D. writes: "My argument against these suspensions is this: In this entire situation, has justice been done?" - Yes, well almost. If they suspend 46 more players the playoffs will be cancelled and ESPN.com can showcase real sports instead of loudmouth babies, sulking bench-dwellers and corrupt officials.

We ALL know it's not about the actual NBA games or the "sport" itself... it's about violent antics, thuggery and territorial rants and here in the middle of their playoffs, it's no different. It's always what glamor or famous bald actor is in the stands, what player hit what coach and "my dad can beat up your dad". In this particular case we have a league that wants to protect its few Larry Bird wanna-be's to keep its cherished white audience base. This is an NBA mantra and well written of in the press, not my fabrication. This case just puts more foundation to it.

Basketball can be played all by itself by one person because it is that boring. There is only one single way to score: ram a ball smaller than a metal hoop down the hoops throat. Wow! What skill! And what ever gyrations the body makes while doing is of no interest to me nor is it artful or talented... the act itself is viscious violence. Now a real skill is a high-arc, three point shot hitting the cords only.

I have always said that dunking the ball should be illegal. If your 12 year old can't dunk a ball, neither should his talent deprived "idols". What other popular sport has an action of this type that your son/daughter can't do? At any age or size we can kick soccer balls, throw footballs, bat baseballs, hit a golf ball, go top corner on a 100 degree street. We can even beat the shit out of the other kid and say its boxing! But basketball needs an act like dunking to survive and they changed the name of this action to "slamming". That is ok for violent effect but why offset it with some pansy name like "alley-oop"? Come on! (Ohhhh, "alley", as in dark... haha, I get it.)

OK, that's it. This farce called basketball is killing the sports world because it uses up space and time on good media. Some thoughts to get the people interested, real people: Put a freakin' cage around it all and fire the referee's. Let the fans throw things. Let them have a seat lottery at halftime to get in the cage. Keep changing balls and have them explode randomly. Have tattoo artists roam the stands. Have the players all start with the same amount of money and see who has the most at the end of the game. Make the court the size of a soccer field and lets see their lungs explode. Let's make the ball only 1/2" smaller than the hoop and see how many shattered wrist bones break through the skin next year. Even I would watch that!

When Red Auerbach died, basketball should have been cancelled forever. Unfortunately too much money has already been invested on suckering in fans that don't have the Springer Channel at home.

Clemens Pitches a No-Brainer, As Usual

So.... Roger "Fat Ass" Clemens has chosen the Yankee's to soak for over 4 million dollars a month. Thank God! The last thing this Red Sox fan wanted was to have to read about Kory and Koby and Kyle and Kosmo and Keith and Keecko and Kato... and I wonder where poor Roger was going to hang out while the Sox were on the road. After all, he doesn't have many friends outside whatever clubhouse he happens to reside in and never did.

This lard arse doesn't deserve the adoration of the blind fans who still cherish him and he doesn't deserve a ring that says Red Sox on it. Let's just say we agree fully with those Red Sox players that have voiced an opinion: The 2007 Boston Red Sox do NOT need Clemens. Period.

• We don't need his arm because for that price, we don't know if it even works at that age.
• We don't need his attitude that he is his own biggest fan. Why else would his current contract end with 22, his number and that his kids names all begin with "K".
• We don't need the rest of the team wondering why some undeserving selfish moron gets to have all the comforts of a king thrown at him while they don't.
• We don't need 25 player/25 cab mentality to return to the Boston clubhouse.
• We don't need the over-hyped press circus that has already been unbearable in just his going elsewhere.
• Finally, we don't need a bald-faced liar, a self-serving drama queen, a classic me-first prima donna and a player whose loyalty has always been to the dollar and never ever his team.

Don't let the drooling, kiss-ass press and loyals fool you: While this is one of the best pitchers ever (and I always admired his determination), his attitude, his motives and his off-field bullshit drag him well below the radar of great players that are legends. Clemens is no legend because he decided he was one before the people who decide such things had a chance to. His numbers say Hall of Fame but all other factors say take a hike.

From the day he lied about coming out of Game 6 in 1986 Clemens has been an "OJ", tainted by the obvious: He can't be believed or trusted. He threw the Yankees under the bus before and now they kiss his ass again. Now he has dissed the hell out of Houston where he was supposed to be a developmental influence. Instead of going away quietly and finally being a father for a change, he languishes around like some aged lawnmower willing to work only a few times a summer now.

Fat Ass went to New York under the premise that he can revive a dead Yankees team and decimated pitching staff. He is incredibly alone in this premise. He claims he has just as good a chance at a ring there than he did in Houston or would have in Boston. He is the only person out there who feels this way outside NY and NJ according to an ESPN poll today. One has to wonder if he chose the Yankee's because he knows he won't have to pitch after October 1 anyway therefore making his money and getting October off.

The Red Sox do NOT need him because it's a downgrade at all levels. They can win this thing all alone the way it is, especially if Dice K gets grooved and Lester returns fully. Clemens would bring under-riding resentments and clubhouse divisiveness that one can not quantify or measure. It would fracture what management has built and that is to produce another deep run into the playoffs as always, barring injuries. It would cost way too much for 3-5 starts a month and there are no guarantees that those would be wins or even quality starts. Last year for Houston after his usual old act of coming back, he won 7 and lost 6 after starting 19 games. He averaged under 6 innings per start. Is this the return on investment the Yankees want? Let 'em have it.

Any Red Sox fan who saw the Manny-Tavarez act in the dugout during the Twins game yesterday on NESN realizes the difference between the two franchises: loose, silly fun vs. mundane, stiff boredom masked as "professionalism". Please. There isn't anything more boring or staged than the New York Yankee's act except maybe pro basketball itself.

When the Yankees say they are "professional" it means that they walk around the clubhouse in a catatonic state, worrying about money, endorsements, chest waxings, what $2000 suit to wear on a bus and what the team in the other clubhouse is doing for fun with shaving cream. It's like Young Bob Cratchit being brain-washed into staying at boarding school for the holidays because it's more fun and worthwhile. It's a cult. And the schmucks in the press and grandstands there lap it up big time.

Finally, Clemens doesn't have a statue of himself to rub and stroke like the Yankees offer him in centerfield. He would have been booed by at least half the Fenway Faithful but will be offered cyber-oral sex by every NY fan as their born-again savior even though they still know he was truly born into Red Sox Nation and a McCoy is, after all, a McCoy. So he must be a bastard? Works for me.

"Fat Ass" claims that this time the decision is that the Yankee's "know how to win". Well Rogerk, instead of reading your agent's stat compilation of your past accomplishments on Georgie Porgie's Lear jet, you should have checked the standings and what the Yankee's have done since 2001 in the post season because it is nothing you could have changed and you won't this time either.

Left - My lasting image of Clemens is not 20 strike outs or anything in 1986. It's his assinine actions on October 10, 1990 when the Red Sox needed him the absolute most of all. Against Oakland in the ALCS "Fat Ass" blew up at the home plate umpire Terry Cooney in the 2nd inning and was ejected. Game, set, match.

Roger "Fat Ass" Clemens is not coming to Boston and that is the best thing I have heard since October 27, 2004 at 11:27PM. If the Yankees win the East it won't be because of Roger Clemens, it will be because the Red Sox did not for whatever reason. I just can't wait until Georgie Porgie wakes up from this latest bender. Hung over and holding The Donald tightly, he will put on ESPN and realize how the Red Sox bluffed him into submission this past week. This is actually all too funny...

Elephants Holding Tail Spin

Oh.... the elephant asses are ripping down in DC as they hold the tail of the GOP ass in front of them. Led by the pie-eyed piper Big W Daddy and his dear-in-the-headlights, glassed-over, drug-infested stupor, they might as well just lemmings themselves into the Potomac.

CNN = Rep. Jerry Lewis, R-California, said to Democrats, "You've made your point. You had your dog-and-pony show."

A guy named Jerry Lewis said this? Isn't a dog-and-pony show always part of a circus? Why doesn't 'Balls of Fire' Jerry Lewis ask the head clown, his ring leader, Alfred W. Bushwack, what his plan is now? Every damn 6 months we need to give the General au jour "time" to work his plan. This new general is just another in a line of "yes" men designing a war around ignorance, lies and denial while playing with army guys in the back yard. Genocide internal of our own kids, direct from Washington. No one cares as long as the gas keeps flowing at 4 bucks and texting gets cheaper for teenie Molly to be late for dinner while humming her BF in their new daddy funded Scion.

"This latest veto came on the fourth anniversary of Bush's 2003 speech from the flight deck of the aircraft carrier USS Abraham Lincoln, when he declared that "major combat" in Iraq was over. More than 3,200 Americans have been killed in Iraq since then" - CNN (Any questions here???)

In MUCH more important news, the Number 3 'most popular' CNN video today is of Britney Spears leaving the House of Blues. Thank God we have the face that launched a million pre-teen skanks back in the fold. She's balled (sic) and wants more.