NBA = Never Believe Authority

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OK, but... here I am wasting time on a subject that has the credibility of an earthworm, a tattooed, slimy, personality-deprived earthworm. Let's take some recent quotes on what is going on in the game of "pro" basketball and respond. (Just in case you live a respectable life and/or only watch real sports, here you go: Supposedly a black guy mugged a white guy (right) with almost no time left in a basketball playoff game. Two black guys went to the aid of the white guy and got suspended for a game. Apparently, there is a rule that says you can't do this. The mugger got 2 games. So here is what the NBA "fan" is talking about on ESPN between meals at the county jail:

Larry B. writes: "I have never seen such a negative reaction to a league action" - Ahem.... has anybody ever seen such a negative sport, filled with negative attitudes and dark, violent infested combatants? They all look sour and unless things go exactly their way, they pout.

Moses M. writes: "Whatever happened to 'give the fans what they want?'" - Exactly Ralph! The fans want the violence, the tattoed muggers and the guns-in-secret-compartments-under-the-hummer-floor heroes! They need to justify watching something as boring as a babbling brook by spicing it up with chest thumping screams and take-downs.

Alfred N. writes: "Does a single NBA fan approve of this decision (the suspensions, not Paris Hiltons reduced sentence)? Will this verdict turn some fans away from the game?" - Actually there are only 32 fans left and they are thinking of turning away, yes. Suckers Anonymous awaits them.

Joe D. writes: "My argument against these suspensions is this: In this entire situation, has justice been done?" - Yes, well almost. If they suspend 46 more players the playoffs will be cancelled and ESPN.com can showcase real sports instead of loudmouth babies, sulking bench-dwellers and corrupt officials.

We ALL know it's not about the actual NBA games or the "sport" itself... it's about violent antics, thuggery and territorial rants and here in the middle of their playoffs, it's no different. It's always what glamor or famous bald actor is in the stands, what player hit what coach and "my dad can beat up your dad". In this particular case we have a league that wants to protect its few Larry Bird wanna-be's to keep its cherished white audience base. This is an NBA mantra and well written of in the press, not my fabrication. This case just puts more foundation to it.

Basketball can be played all by itself by one person because it is that boring. There is only one single way to score: ram a ball smaller than a metal hoop down the hoops throat. Wow! What skill! And what ever gyrations the body makes while doing is of no interest to me nor is it artful or talented... the act itself is viscious violence. Now a real skill is a high-arc, three point shot hitting the cords only.

I have always said that dunking the ball should be illegal. If your 12 year old can't dunk a ball, neither should his talent deprived "idols". What other popular sport has an action of this type that your son/daughter can't do? At any age or size we can kick soccer balls, throw footballs, bat baseballs, hit a golf ball, go top corner on a 100 degree street. We can even beat the shit out of the other kid and say its boxing! But basketball needs an act like dunking to survive and they changed the name of this action to "slamming". That is ok for violent effect but why offset it with some pansy name like "alley-oop"? Come on! (Ohhhh, "alley", as in dark... haha, I get it.)

OK, that's it. This farce called basketball is killing the sports world because it uses up space and time on good media. Some thoughts to get the people interested, real people: Put a freakin' cage around it all and fire the referee's. Let the fans throw things. Let them have a seat lottery at halftime to get in the cage. Keep changing balls and have them explode randomly. Have tattoo artists roam the stands. Have the players all start with the same amount of money and see who has the most at the end of the game. Make the court the size of a soccer field and lets see their lungs explode. Let's make the ball only 1/2" smaller than the hoop and see how many shattered wrist bones break through the skin next year. Even I would watch that!

When Red Auerbach died, basketball should have been cancelled forever. Unfortunately too much money has already been invested on suckering in fans that don't have the Springer Channel at home.